


Letters

by captainchakyeon



Category: VIXX
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-03-11 16:21:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13528014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainchakyeon/pseuds/captainchakyeon
Summary: Hakyeon and Taekwoon have the same habit but are unaware of it.Whenever confusing situations and feelings arise, they both write letters to that person, whoever they may be, but never send them nor give them to that said person. For Hakyeon and Taekwoon, it's just a way of getting things off their chests and a chance to reflect calmly in a private matter.What they're also unaware of, is that they're both going through the same feelings and situation, and that their letters are addressed to each other.





	1. 1 - "I Dreamt about you" - Hakyeon

**Author's Note:**

> so I was looking through my old docs and found letters that I had written (for the same reason in the summary; to get things off my chest) and I ended up getting a kinda neat idea for a fanfiction. 
> 
> I'll try to update this as much as I can, but I'm also trying to update my other two fanfictions and those sort of take priority for me, so please bear with me if this doesn't get updated very frequently!
> 
> Also fun fact: this was originally a letter I personally wrote to a person who shall not ever be named, but then I tweaked it a little so it'd make a good first chapter for this story ^^

Dear Taekwoonie,

I dreamt about you the other day. 

We were at a cabin up in the mountains, with the rest of the members. You and I were in our world, though. We were sitting outside of the cabin, in the dusk lighting; leaning on an old willow tree. The mountains were beautiful and distantly blue, and had a thick coat of heavy fog.

The calming sounds of nature should have had me calm, but my heart was beating so fast next to you as it usually does. You were leaning slightly on my side, and I had my hand on your leg as if it was all normal.

Surprisingly I held a fairly deep conversation with you smoothly, momentarily forgetting I was supposed to be nervous around you; because I wanted to listen to what you had to say. I then eased into a comfortable state with you so easily. I remember thinking that I could stay in that moment forever.

Later on, we ran some late night errands with Wonshik and Sanghyuk, who didn't notice - or at least didn't comment on us being lost in our world and very obviously flirting with each other.

You were so close to me in the car ride to wherever we were traveling to. We were practically cuddling; but I still craved your touch so badly. 

I then accidentally let it slip that I had feelings for you. Though you could have probably figured it out by then; it was so obvious.

“Ah, I guess you haven't noticed I have feelings for you as well, huh?” You chuckle quietly with your head resting on mine. You then kissed my forehead endearingly. I turn a crimson red, and smile shyly.

Then I woke up.

I lay in bed, feeling disappointed that it was merely a dream in which I imagined my feelings wasn't unrequited. 

Maybe one day, I won't be shy anymore and say this to your face, unafraid of rejection and what the world may say about us.

But I doubt that will be soon.

-Hakyeon


	2. 2 - "I Wish for This Feeling to Cease" - Taekwoon

To Hakyeon,

I keep thinking about last night’s concert. I feel we all did well, but you were so exceptional per usual. You're so captivating when you dance and sing, I can see why people say you were born to do so. I kept wanting to watch you perform throughout the concert. You always stand out to me, both on stage and off stage. 

Is that odd? sometimes I feel like it is. If I ever told you that, if I ever told you how I feel I'm sure you'd see me differently. As a weird man you wouldn't want to talk to.

I also just want you to tell me I'm not odd or weird for this, that it's alright and it's going to be okay. But that will likely never happen. It's best for these sorts of feelings to cease, and I always wish for them to. I think someone in the higher powers dislikes me though, as the feelings never go.

Do I deserve this kind of torture? Did I mess up so bad in my last life that I needed to struggle with this confusing situation? I think about this a lot. 

I wonder if I deserve to be in this unrequited relationship. I wonder if I deserve to be this way. Whatever I am, I know I have an attraction to men. It hurts to see that so criticized in society and by other men. 

I want to defend myself, say I'm just like anyone else in love. But of course I could never do that without causing risk for me and the rest of the members.

Hah ... don’t I sound pathetic? I guess you'll never answer that. I hope to god this letter doesn't actually get read by you, or any of the members. As much as I desire to tell you everything and confide in you, I can't. It would change the way you look at me for worse and I don't think I could handle that.

Right now, I just wish for this feeling to cease.  
-Your Taekwoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a tad odd for me to update this soon, but I really wanted to write a letter from Taekwoon's pov. 
> 
> As always, hope you guys enjoyed and feel free to leave kudos/a comment! Also feel free to come talk to me on twitter (@captainchakyeon)!


	3. 3 - "I always wish to be near you" - Hakyeon

My Taekwoon,

Is it ridiculous of me to always want to be near you? Sometimes I look over to your part of the room, and wish I could sleep alongside you in the same bed. But I know it would probably be odd if I slip into your bed in the middle of the night. I feel like I would sleep better at your side at night.

I know you prefer more gentle skinship, more subtle touches than I do. Many people don't notice when you partake in it with one of us, but I always do. I always notice when you smile at me, when you grazingly touch me. Every subtle touch you give me I always distinctly recognize as yours. Each one I'm so grateful for. Each one warms my heart and makes it flutter for you once more.

It probably doesn't have the meaning my heart and mind want to believe it does though. I'm sure of it. It's just an innocent touch, all of them are. They’re simply platonic. My heart always wants to believe that they aren’t so simple though, that they have more meaning. I seem to have to calm my heart down a lot because it likes to wonder about the impossible. It’s occasionally hard to be logical but I need to be.

Sometimes I just don’t want to be logical and secretive from you. I want to tell you everything I feel for you. Partly because I despise keeping things like this from you, and partly because I hope that you’d return those feelings. But I know that would be a mistake, you would grow to dislike me and avoid me. So unfortunately it’s best if this is kept from you, even though my heart yearns to be with yours and to be truthful to you about this.

If this ever happened to be revealed to you, I hope you could forgive me,  
Your Hakyeon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!
> 
> Also feel free to come talk to me on twitter (@captainchakyeon) or leave me a question on my ask.fm (https://ask.fm/captainchakyeon)


	4. 4 - "Maybe I'll Show You One Day." - Taekwoon

Dear Hakyeon,

These feelings are getting worse. I thought that they would fade away with time but they've only gotten stronger. I'm very confused by my heart's decisions. It seems to be making decisions all on it's own. I wish it would stop, but it doesn't listen.

My first instinct is to avoid you, see if that helps any with avoiding these kinds of feelings. But of course that's improbable, as we're always having schedules together, we live in the same dorm, and you're my friend, my leader.

It pains me when you worriedly comment about me looking down or out of it. I never mean to worry you like that, and of course I can't tell you what's on my mind. I wish I could. You're so understanding, but I still feel like this could put a strain on our friendship; and I would so much rather have a lifelong friendship with you than one meaningless fling with you. I-

"Taekwoonie?" A honey voice calls out from the doorway. I turn, panicking immediately when seeing it's the only older member. "Dinner is ready."

"I, uhm, okay." I stutter out, trying to casually fold the half-written letter in half so he can't read it. "I'll be right out then."

"Are you okay Taekwoon?" Hakyeon asks softly as he crosses the room towards me sitting at my desk. "You seem off today."

"I'm fine, Hakyeon, really." I try to muster up a slight smile for him, his worried expression hurts to see.

"You can always talk to me, you know that." Hakyeon brushes my fringe off my forehead sweetly. "You'd.. you would let me know if I did something wrong right?"

"Of course, Hakyeonnie." I give him a slightly confused look. "You haven't done anything wrong though, there's no need to worry about that."

"Okay. I just worry sometimes, I suppose." Hakyeon nods and crouches down so we can be at eye level. "Are you writing lyrics? What's this song about?"

"I, er, it's not finished yet." I stumble over my words when he gestures to the slip of paper I still have in my hand. "I might show you once it's done, it's probably no good though."

"I'm sure it's good so far, Taekwoon!" Hakyeon smiles. "Don't be so modest, I love your songs."

I blush slightly at the praise, giving out a small smile. Praise always felt so nice when coming from him, but I still don't know how to handle it without blushing or getting embarrassed.

"Maybe I'll show you one day..maybe." I say quietly, shoving the letter in a drawer.

Hakyeon gets a chuckle out of that, and drags me out to the living room where everyone else is eating dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first chapter with dialogue woot woot
> 
> also, this series may be fairly short, about ten chapters at most. Though if the people want it, I'd be more than happy to write a fluffy sequel !!
> 
> comments/kudos are appreciated, and feel free to talk to me over on twitter!! (@captainchakyeon)


	5. 5 - "You..love me?" - Hakyeon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and after two months, I shall leave you with this cliffhanger I sloppily wrote in an hour.

"Dear Taekwoonie,

It's been another long day, the schedules are seeming to get longer and more exhausting recently. I really hope I'm providing some sort of comfort for you, but I'm not quite sure. Recently you've seemed to be more reserved about certain things, and it worries me as a leader and as a friend who cares about you.

But as I think about it, I suppose I can't be that mad about you being reserved about some things as that is your right to do so, and I haven't been very honest with you about some things either. I so desperately want to tell you all the things I feel for you, trust me. But it's for the best I don't, as much as my heart hopes it could go all amazingly well I doubt it actually would.

I guess I could say on top of worrying me, it also pains me a bit you don't talk to me about whatever's on your mind. I hope you trust me with your feelings still. I doubt they're the same sort of things I'm going through right now. But for you I'll always try to understand you.

I do love you, Taekwoon. Maybe more than I should. Hell, a lot more than I should. I wish I could tell you that, I wish you could know. My heart hopes for someday, but I know that day will likely never come.

Hakyeon."

I put the pen down and fold up the piece of paper. I stare at it for a moment, reflecting on the feelings I've wrote down on it, before standing up and shaking the remaining floating thoughts in my mind, I can worry about it more later. I stretch a little, feeling a bit stiff from sitting down for a while and after a long day of schedules.

I hear Wonshik's voice calling me from the kitchen, and go out of my room to see what he's inquiring me about.

_

After a pleasant dinner cooked by Wonshik and Taekwoon, we all sit in the living room watching some sort of TV show picked out by Sanghyuk. besides Taekwoon, who retreated to his own room soon after dinner. I don't have much interest in the TV show, only sort of paying attention to it, but I don't have much else to do.

"Hey, does anyone have a spare pen?" Taekwoon asks, peeping out of his room.

"Uhm, I should have on my desk." I reply with little thought. "You can borrow it if you need."

Taekwoon nods and goes into my room to collect said pen on desk. I continue watching the TV show, wondering after a silent moment why exactly there's a tight, anxious feeling rising in my chest, and so fastly.

I look around the room, and nothing seems out of place. Wonshik is nodding off beside me, Sanghyuk avidly watching the show, Hongbin texting a friend on his phone, and Jaehwan doodling away on a piece of scrap paper absentmindedly. At first glance there isn’t anything I should be anxious about. So why do I feel like this?

I watch Jaehwan draw, trying to understand why my mind was worried about, a confused and worried look paints my face. Suddenly it dawns on me, and I try not to show the realization on my face as I don't want the others to question it.

The letter I wrote earlier today. It's still on my desk. And Taekwoon still hasn't left my room yet, which means he might have seen the letter. My mind then rushes with loud exclamations of panic and well, terror.

I rise from the couch with shaky hands, and slowly go to my room to see whether or not Taekwoon read the letter. The others pay little attention to my leave, which I'm thankful for at the moment.

I open the door while trying not to feel nauseous from the anxiety, one of my closest relationships could be on the verge of ending right now. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle that. I turn to Taekwoon standing over my desk. Before I can say anything, I see he has the letter in hand, unfolded and presumably read by now. Everything rings silent. The world seems to stop for a moment.

He looks up at me, and then I notice the tears that have run down his face, and the shocked expression, as if he doesn’t believe the words I wrote down.

"You..love me?" Taekwoon asks so softly, but an obvious emotional crack in his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls don't hate me for the cliffhanger lol. I'll try to update soon as I can.
> 
> come yell at me over twitter/tumblr if you want tho - @captainchakyeon
> 
> or leave kudos/comments if you so desire, those would be appreciated ^^


	6. 6 - "This isn't a Joke?" - Taekwoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I think this may be one of the last few chapters of this series ;^; I'm both happy and sad. Though if the people want, I'll probably do a sequel of some sorts. Also this is unbeta'd like all of my other works lol, so there may be a mistake or two in there. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy ^^

Taekwoon's POV;

After a long day, I still find myself restless with thoughts about Hakyeon yet again. I decide to just write another letter that I'll never deliver, to get the feelings off of my chest for tonight at least.

I sit down at my desk in my room, and pull out my notebook full of past notes and letters to Hakyeon. I flip to a new page, and search around for a pen, only to realize there isn't one on my desk anywhere. I must've misplaced my pen yet again.

I step out of my room to ask someone else for a pen, and the rest of the group watching some sort of show on TV.

"Hey, does anyone have a spare pen?" I ask, hoping there's at least one dang pen in this household.

"Uhm, I should have one on my desk." Hakyeon replies quietly, looking up at me for a moment then going back to the show. "You can borrow it if you need."

I nod in response and head over to Hakyeon's room to borrow his said pen. I open the door and scroll over to his desk, scanning it for a moment before finding a pen next to a piece of folded up paper.

I pick up the paper and unfold it. I know I shouldn't snoop around in Hakyeon's things, especially since he's been respectful of my space, but I shrug it off at first as just being a scrap piece of paper.

It isn't. It's a letter. Written to me.

I wonder why Hakyeon would write a letter to me when he could just so easily talk to me about whatever is bothering him. Then again, I can't really fuss about that.

It doesn't take me long to read it to understand why he hasn't told me about this, why he wrote about it instead of talking to me.

_"I do love you, Taekwoon. Maybe more than I should. Hell, a lot more than I should." ___

__This has got to be a joke though. But why would Hakyeon joke about this? So many thoughts run through my head, and I panic for a moment, wondering if he found my set of letters to him. I can feel tears running down my face; I don't know how to process this since I never imagined that this would ever come close to actually happening._ _

__I hear the door creak open and I can assume it's Hakyeon. I try not to shake from anxiety. I look over to him, and he looks just as anxious and shaken up as I am._ _

__"You..love me?" I ask, not being able to stop my voice from feeling shaky and emotional._ _

__"I - um. God, I never meant for you to read that Taekwoon." Hakyeon stumbles over his words, obvious stress in his voice. "I'm so sorry, I really tried to get over it. This is so messed up I know."_ _

__"Wait." I say, a bit confused. "So you haven't read my letters? This isn't a joke?"_ _

__"Wha-? Of course it's not a joke, Taekwoonie." Hakyeon tilts his head in confusion. "What do you mean by your letters?"_ _

__I tell him to follow me, as I walk past him to go to my own room. He follows closely behind me, and I shut the door behind us as I get out my notebook of the letters I've written to him._ _

__I hand it over to him, with shaky hands. I don't say anything as he flips through it, reading the words as if he doesn't believe them. He lets tears fall down his own face now, as he continues reading it in silence. After a moment he puts the notebook down and crouches down and hides his face. This is one the very rare moments I've seen Hakyeon this overwhelmed._ _

__"Hakyeon, Hakyeon-" I speak softly, as I kneel down next to him and slowly take his hands away from his face._ _

__“I just, I’m so sorry Taekwoonie.” Hakyeon says, tears swelling up in his eyes. “I’m so afraid that this going to change everything and-”_ _

__I shake my head at his statement and shut him up the only way I know how to right now. His lips feel so soft, just like I imagined over all these months but so much better. They taste a little salty from the tears, but it doesn’t matter. After a second he cups my face with both of his hands, and returns the kiss just as desperately._ _

__I pull away after a few moments and pull him into an embrace; his face nuzzled into my chest and my arms around his waist. I stroke his hair until his breathing calms down and both of our tears dry up._ _

__We’ll definitely have to talk this over, and who knows how this will go. But for now I’m content with knowing he feels the exact same for me._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to leave a comment/kudos, and follow me on twitter/tumblr under @captainchakyeon!

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure to leaves kudos/a comment if you enjoyed ^^
> 
> Also feel free to come talk about VIXX and writing with me on twitter! (@captainchakyeon)


End file.
